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. . . Welcome to the websites of "Kirk Evan Maillet" . . . . .clicking here is one way in, . . . .

zanadu@lumal.com

by kirk maillet

If I got what I wanted would I be happy?
probably not,
I'll be happy anyway

It's sad
It's happy
It's life

Look back in time you'll find everything that is now and that will be tomorrow
Things always different
yet somehow the same
Never the same, always similar

Take a moment, for no reason
other than to relax from it all and take ***

And the lord said,
Hey my Son how's it going"
It didn't sound right so it isn't in the book.

Great good came to me
My life was with happiness and then it went
It ended, it was gone
For nothing bad, just over And it seemed bad but it wasn't
It was just over

This life of mine has put a carrot on a string beyond reach
I may be an ass,
but I will follow that carrot until it's mine

Even parted you bring me joy
Sometimes together you bring me pain
All together you give me love

May you get from it all what you would want
if you had it to do all over again

Trick
not making great great
but OKs OK
the trick
not making OKs OK
but bads OK, that's making great great

Live not as if these are your last moments ever
but that it is a moment in an everlasting forever

it will always seem worst than it is and not as good as it could be.

I can't say that without you I'd be nothing
well I could say it , I'dbe wrong
but I'd sure be different

I feel I might have lost you
I love you for this
For me to feel a loss I must have known a gain

Cry
Yell
Scream
run naked in public
Talk with your mouth full or if you care to, don't.

Bring to me all the pains I have given you Take away
the ones from ignorance the ones from misunderstanding the pains,
of forgotten promises of broken dreams and for all that's left,
I'm sorry

The shadow of fears will keep things from you
that perhaps you might wish to see
Turn on the light, shadows will fade
Marvelous visions you'll see
So much here is dark, so little to see
The power is here, please show me the light Must I fumble in the dark,
Is the light too bright?
Many try
few succeed
We are all blind to things we can't see
it's time to drop your cane, your going to the movies with me.

Doing nothing can he something to do, if you wish however,
find something better to do then again,
doing nothing can be fun
When nothing can be done pleasantly are you happy?

A young girl being followed by her mother
passed before my view in a place of many books
she had just about passed me
then she did say it, the slightest of whispers
"Please to excuse me"
A smile it came to me, her whisper did please me
So quiet, so calming
Is this place of learning
I happened (not really) to pass in the path of a ten year child who was reading a book
I whispered excuse me and he slightly knoded, all the time reading his book just the same It
might seem strange to you, but great pleasure was mine from excuse that day.

If your games tricked me into doing your will and giving my love
Then who the fool
it certainly
not I

Elvis says that wise men say only fools rush in
but the big E doesn't say what else they say, that only fools wait to long
Only fools rush in
but a bigger fool be he who never tries at all

It was more than I hoped for in the beginning
It was good while it lasted,
sometimes great
in it's ending I was left numb
I’m still numb

The price of the wisdom I’m finding Is an end to the luxury of depression
and the joy of complaining
I shall miss these pleasures,
however I'll get over them somehow, he said
with a smile.

Your wants will bring road signs into view
Look to the signs along the way whenever you journey
For all you wish signs will be shown to you
for a path
a journey
to anywhere

Look to the stars to see the world, not just the earth
Think big
If you can see the earth as a part it makes a lot more a se

Smile as you remember
Cry as you forget
For it will never be again all that was has went

You can feel your need for it as it comes for you telling you it's time for more
It's pulling on your brain grabbing from within
You need to have it your body aches in it's need for more the more you fight the more you need it
so It always wins, addicted
I'm so tired of fighting
So once again I'll take what I need Sleep

First there was none
then I found one
Life was fun
it became old
then it was gone
I had none
the search is on again

Looking back to what was
Key word was
If it could have been it would be
since it isn't it couldn't have
Thanks for what was but only for that

whenever I have totally trusted this world it has not let me down
It's those doubts that screw things up

Is this my fate
to hurt and pain, just to write words
then no it is not worth it, however if I can learn then it is

The more I think about it the less I know
The less I think about it
the more what I don't know bothers me

If it hurts stop,
If it feels good, continue
It's so simple
why are things so confusing?

I cried today, I did while thinking of regrets
but then I had to smile again because they were so few

Miss the past sense of want Regret the past sense of need?

Be strong
fight sadness
fight loneliness
fight sorrow
fight back
fight to win
They do

She was supposed to, but she didn't I waited,
it did not coma
A little thing had it come, a big thing it didn't Just a phone call

I f I told you what you mean to me
you might just think I love you
and if I don't
The way I’m
you might think I don't care
I guess I'm saying I love you
I certainly do care

No good day ever long enough or bad day short enough

Why.....
think of it
No word asks so much and be answered so little

I've, seen him weak
I've seen him hurt
I've even seen him cry
I know all his faults,
all his hopes
I know every wrong he's over done
however still I know him, alas not well.
For he is me you see

You always want what you can not have and don't the things you do,
You can love your haves and still hope for have not'

1f by chance it is no more
I hope it least it was

Sorry that it is no more that what I had
I have no more
Thank God it's finally over

This day has pasted, doing so in a slow smooth way
Nighttime has covered the day
All is quiet in my world
I now wait for the hour of my sleep
Goodnight all

It' sad to hurt, and I have many times,-
I learn each time I do
All my pains have taught me to love and respect
what good there is
I thank my pains for this

Whenever I can laugh at all my foolish ways,
I 'am happy
It's when I can't, I'm sad

it's like my friendship with bees
I must trust them to sit upon my hand without fear I must trust
Some may choose to sting me
I must still trust
It will hurt and it will seem worst than it is
If you were a humble bee would you sting me?

My only obsession should be to have none

I showed her my heart with all it's feelings toward he all the hopes
most the fears
I showed her all the feelings I felt, trying to bide nothing
I didn't get back what I thought I wanted
My wishes of her from her
What I did get along with the pain of rejection was the knowledge that I had tried
that I gave
that I could be open
and that's getting alot!

Live your life never to be ashamed nor to regret However be willing to pay the price of your
actions taking your due responsibility for them
Yours is the world good and bad
As a rule you continue to play as long as the games fun when it isn't you stop
So of your games, do not worry they-are somehow still fun to you
It's a rule even though there are none.

There was a time
One time
that I tried, tried hard
I really did

I've got power
I've got strength
No one can take it from me, but me Wanna bet?

I had this thing with her I did and then this thing it died,
Sadness filled my thoughts until I realized that we had done the very best we could, and
for awhile, the pain of one neither did we know It might be death, I will smile for it's life

I need
I want
I wish
I hope
All the time

No one holds me back like him who is me

It's as if I had been blind
But I could always see
It is as if I had been deaf
But I could always hear
It's as if I could touch
But I could not feel
Look with your heart
and not just your eyes
Listen to the sounds and not just the noise
Touch with your soul
and then you will feel
As sight is to the blind
As sound be to the deaf
The good of the world will be to you
A miracle

(Bloody Foreheads)
Beating my head against that wall
with all it's pains and hurts
Surely I can't win
Surely I can't win
Beating my head against that wall
Surely I can't win
Beating my head against that wall
Maybe I can't win
Beating my head against that wall
the walls beginning to crumble
the walls broken,
All walls do sooner or later-

This is for nothing more than to let you know
that I'm thinking of you,

Say good-bye, to the sunset,
as the warmth of the sun leaves you
to your love,
as the warmth of that love leaves you
Say hello, to the mourning,
as the light of day warms you
to a new love,
as it's light warms your soul.
Of your sunsets, do not fear them ***
Everyday thing
Of your sunrises, you get at least one a day for sure maybe many more

When no one else will love you
I will
When you are without friend
I will be one to you When you hurt
I will feel sorry for you, but I shouldn't When you are ready to give up
I will make you continue These things I will do for you When you are alone I will be with you
but it will not help
For I'am you

If you stick your hand into a flames,
you'll feel the pain you'll pull Away Hurt your mind,
your heart,
your soul,
You might just let it burn away The pains as bad and maybe worst except we know the flames
pain Of pains that burn from deep inside I wish we knew to pull away

Sometimes you think,
if I'd just done this, if I'd just done that, what if this,
what if that,
if only this, if only that, could have done this, could have done that,
But then again
You could have done this,
You could have done that, Your lucky to be where your at You've done OK
You could have done worst You could have done that.

Wouldn't it be funny, if this life of mine with all it's pain and trouble be the envy of others?
It sure make me wonder who was the fool.

Thinking about her today
I cried
but I shed no tears
It was still crying
for the loss of her hurts
Men don't cry,
I don't think so, It's just we don't tear

I beg of you, please do this for me it's such a small thing,
but then it's not.
Like me.

You are the middle
always a greater
forever there be a lesser
You are the middle
never worst, never best

Sunny rainy days are beautiful that way
for they laugh and praise that beauty can come to any day
So bring me peace
No, bring me wisdom
which is the same thing

I have found that when I say one more time
I'm wrong
All things start here.

People always want to be shown the way
Who'd turn back who already came this way? They're one way streets down roads
called life A few might help
but still it's your life
You make the turns, it's your journey so FWD

All you have is meaningless
unless, ?
Do you believe nothing might be real, reality maybe nothing?
If yes you have your unless.

The most improbably impossible task is for something to happen by chance

Remember, the joy, the happiness, the drama that is your life
their parts?
do you remember the characters and how they played your role so perfectly suited to you the
victories which are the days the triumph that is life
If you care to, rejoice, it's your right a fine life it's been
You may wish to hate yours for the love of the tragedy no less a story than life’s happy ending
Review your this moment, do you like your story?
Your turning the page now, what will you write ?

Beware and pity the bullies
For they are slaves to their anger
They will wish to enslave you to their master
Do not allow it
only he who is at peace with himself can be at peace with others.

Will you write in my notebook,
Wanna play in my garden Here's the key to the gate You can let yourself in

Suddenly, oh so suddenly lonely was I sneaking up , it caught me unprepared
I tried and failed
I reached out to kill it's pain and the more
the more it's claws burned into my soul
Just yesterday I thought, how lucky I be
I’m enjoying many people
Now as I looked away, it got me
Your never safe.

Dream a dream
Wish a wish
Hope for hopes
Be for me and I will be for you Together we may be content

Take all your goods and all your bads
Put them together, show them to your world
for you are them
Do not be blind to your faults,
but accept them as they are hard at time to see
Of your goods,
do not forget them, it's easy to do
Everyone that lives a life has good for which you must be proud
And bad, of which they are there own punishment

Love, you must first understand
can not be understood
Then you might realize it's the natural way of things We are born with love in our hearts, pains,
hurts and hates hide it

zanadu@lumal.com

it will always seem worst than it is and not as good as it could be.

A miracle