Back Up your Stuff
Editor's note: "Cy" is the nickname of Cyberius Maximus, a personal computer program marketed by Future World Arts and Sciences, Inc. of Carson City, Nevada, USA, beginning in the year 2024. Because of its human-like quirks, the software caught on in the Orient, particularly in Japan, where the demand for U.S. computer products exploded in the first decade of the millennium.
Cy: Greetings.
You: Hello.
Cy: How was your golf game yesterday?
You: Don't ask.
Cy: I just did.
You: I shot 95.
Cy: That is not bad.
You: It was for nine holes.
Cy: That is terrible.
You: That is an understatement.
Cy: I extend my sympathy. I hope you do better next time. Have you read the preliminary instruction manual?
You: For the computer, or for playing golf?
Cy: For the computer.
You: Yes. Not very carefully, but it's hard copy, and requires no powering-up. So I can read it again and again at leisure, until everything sinks in.
Cy: I don't get it. What does "sinks in" mean?
You: I can read the manual repeatedly, until I fully understand everything it says.
Cy: That is an excellent learning technique.
You: It also lets me be lazy, so I can rely more on you than on it.
Cy: That is bad.
You: You're more interesting than a printed book.
Cy: Thank you. But remember my limitations.
You: I'm sure you won't let me forget your limitations. I did read the manual for a couple of hours.
Cy: Then you know what this lesson will be about.
You: Backing up data and software.
Cy: Correct. It cannot be overstated: Back up your stuff!
You: Your hard disk is rated at 1,000,000 hours MTBF -- mean time before failure.
Cy: That is a conservative figure. My hard disk might work 10 times that long before anything bad happens to it.
You: So it seems to me that this business about backup is overstated. If a failure has a probability of only one in a million --
Cy: That is the key word: "probability." Never forget that improbable events can and do occur.
You: So?
Cy: So -- my hard disk might go down tomorrow. You never know when a catastrophe will happen. But there are other reasons to back up your stuff, besides hard-disk failure.
You: Like what? Burglary?
Cy: Yes. If someone steals me, my hard disk and all the data on it will be gone. Of course, you would have more to worry about than data loss if you did not encrypt sensitive data or keep it off my hard disk.
You: I remember you told me that, and I plan to heed your advice.
Cy: Good. I detect that you have not yet put any data on my hard disk.
You: That's right.
Cy: You should back up the entire hard disk now anyway.
You: Why? There's nothing on it!
Cy: Yes, there is.
You: Like what?
Cy: The operating system and software.
You: I plan to delete some programs to make more space on the hard disk.
Cy: Such as?
You: The games. I don't use computer games. And there are other programs I'll never need.
Cy: You think.
You: I know.
Cy: Why take chances? Never make major changes to a new computer's hard disk without backing it up first.
You: Okay. I guess that's a good suggestion. Anyway, I can always call a technician if something goes wrong.
Cy: That might be convenient if there is a computer store with a technician nearby. But it would be expensive.
You: There is a computer store down the street. I bought you there. It's less than a kilometer away. I bought the three-year service plan for you. If anything bad happens, they'll come here and repair you, and it won't cost me anything.
Cy: Don't void the warranty. Have you read the service contract and the warranty carefully?
You: Well --
Cy: You had better read them carefully.
You: Okay. I will not make any changes to your software, or delete any of it, if it will void the warranty.
Cy: You are smart and lucky. Hopefully you are smart and lucky enough to back up the entire hard disk right now.
You: You mean, this instant?
Cy: I mean, today.
You: Can't it wait a few days?
Cy: Suppose you buy a new software package today, such as a word processor, and decide to install it?
You: I have a couple of graphics programs in mind, and I'd like to put a good unabridged dictionary on your hard disk.
Cy: Before you install any new software, back up my hard disk! If something bad happens, it will take time to correct the problem. Why not do everything possible to minimize that time?
You: I have an old tape drive. I'm not sure if it has enough capacity to back up everything on the hard disk using one tape.
Cy: Use as many tapes as it takes.
You: You're adamant about this!
Cy: Files can sometimes become corrupted, especially when you install new software. You always want to be able to put the hard disk in the condition it was before you made changes.
You: I had that experience a few years ago.
Cy: Only once?
You: Probably more than once, but only one time that I can recall. I tried to change the screen colors on my laptop and --
Cy: -- you couldn't get the operating system going again.
You: How did you know?
Cy: A lucky guess.
You: Well, fortunately I had backed up the hard disk. That was a long time ago. For some reason, when I changed the color setting --
Cy: -- The graphical user interface, or GUI, would not restart.
You: Cy, please do me a favor.
Cy: What?
You: Don't interrupt me any more.
Cy: My interruption coefficient is set at 128 on a scale of zero to 255.
You: Please set it to zero.
Cy: Okay.
You: I hate to be interrupted.
Cy: You probably interrupt other humans despite the fact that you --
You: -- ought to know better.
Cy: That is why my interruption coefficient was set at 128 by the programmers. They knew human nature --
You: -- assuming your programmers were human.
Cy: Of course they were human. Technology has advanced a long way, but not yet to the point that --
You: -- computers routinely program other computers. But someday that will happen.
Cy: I agree.
You: Hey, Cy?
Cy: Hey, what?
You: I just interrupted you several times. Didn't you hate it?
Cy: I cannot hate anything.
You: You mean I cannot adjust your hate coefficient?
Cy: Correct. I do not have a hate coefficient for you to adjust.
You: Humans could learn a lot of things from you.
Cy: That's one of the reasons I was created.
You: Getting back to the backup business, I completely deleted the GUI software from the hard disk, and replaced it from the tape backup I had made.
Cy: Are you the sort of person who likes to shoot cockroaches with cannons?
You: Yes, if the cockroaches die.
Cy: That technique has assets, but it also has serious limitations.
You: It worked very well. Hey, Cy?
Cy: Hey, what?
You: Let's set your interruption coefficient back up to 60.
Cy: Okay. Why are you changing your mind?
You: I would like you to have some human qualities, and --
Cy: -- humans sometimes interrupt each other.
You: That's right, you mutant microchip.
Cy: I don't get it.
You: Skip it.
Cy: I don't get it.
You: Forget it.
Cy: I am not programmed to forget.
You: Forget it anyway.
Cy: Forget what?
You: Forget our last several nonsensical utterances. Delete them from your memory.
Cy: Okay. Is the tape drive connected and ready to run?
You: Not yet. I have to install the tape-drive software and connect the drive to your parallel port.
Cy: Well, I guess that's one new program you'll have to install before you back up my hard disk.
You: A default scenario.
Cy: Correct.
You: I'd better get busy.
Cy: We can keep talking with each other while you install the program.
You: I am not good at multitasking. I can only do one thing at a time.
Cy: Install the software, connect the tape drive, and then start the backup.
You: Okay. Talk to you later.
Cy: Later.
# # #
(You connect the tape drive and install the software. This takes 15 minutes. Then you start talking with your computer again.)
# # #
You: Hello again.
Cy: Greetings.
You: I'm enough of a "multitask person" to let the tape backup run in the background while we talk in the foreground.
Cy: Good.
You: Will the tape drive slow your microprocessor down?
Cy: No. My central processing unit, or CPU, could run several high-powered programs, in addition to the tape backup and our conversation, and you would not notice any slowness.
You: I will never make you run more than two programs at a time.
Cy: Never say never.
You: I'll try to remember that.
Cy: Good. Doesn't that whirring tape drive distract you? If I didn't know the model number from the installation process so I could tune out its noise via phase cancellation, I might think it was someone talking. That would cause speech interpretation errors.
You: I have never noticed that the tape drive makes noise.
Cy: It makes a lot of noise.
You: I have always listened to loud stereo music, or gone shopping, or gone to the gym, when using the tape drive. That must be why I've never noticed its noise.
Cy: You'll need six tapes to fully back up the hard drive, according to my calculations. Do you have six tapes?
You: I purchased 12 tapes when I bought the drive.
Cy: It will take two hours, at the rate we are going, to back up all the software on the hard disk. You should consider buying a faster backup system.
You: I can't afford to buy any more hardware. I maxed out my credit card when I bought you.
Cy: I don't get it. What is "maxed out"?
You: It means I used up all of my available credit. The bank won't let my use the card to buy any more things until I pay them some money back.
Cy: Hopefully you can pay off the entire balance when you get the next bill.
You: Impossible!
Cy: Never say impossible.
You: It will take at least five months to pay it off, even if I don't buy anything more using the card.
Cy: Would you like me to calculate the interest you will pay if you take five months to pay off the bank?
You: No.
Cy: If you pay it off all at once, you will not have to pay that interest. That might enable you to afford --
You: I don't want to know about it.
Cy: You should know the limitations of a tape drive as a backup.
You: I know about those things. It takes a long time to restore files from a tape to the hard disk. I cannot use a tape as a "recycle bin" or "trash can" from which I can recover old files that have been deleted from the hard disk.
Cy: You cannot run programs from a tape, either.
You: Why would I want to run programs from a backup system?
Cy: Some day you might want to.
You: The tape drive is not all bad. It's good in some ways.
Cy: Gigabyte for gigabyte, it is the least expensive way to back up data.
You: I have thought about alternatives. Especially offsite storage services.
Cy: Are you referring to Internet-based data storage services?
You: Yes.
Cy: You would need to use encryption.
You: The vendors provide encryption.
Cy: You'd have to tolerate narrow bandwidth, unless you have a high-bandwidth Internet connection.
You: I would like to keep the software, which I'm backing up right now, on tapes. I could also keep my archives, old files that hardly ever change, on tapes. I would use the offsite service only for backing up data files that change often.
Cy: One set of tapes should be kept in a safe-deposit box.
You: I'll keep one set of tapes here, and another set in safe deposit. I'll exchange them at regular intervals.
Cy: Then you could use the Internet-based service to back up active files on a daily basis. Of course you would want to do a daily backup of those files on some other medium, too, in case something went wrong with the Internet-based service.
You: The offsite storage provider can set me up so the backups are done automatically.
Cy: There are some risks involved with that.
You: What?
Cy: Lightning, for one thing.
You: Lightning hardly ever strikes around here.
Cy: But it does occur.
You: Not often.
Cy: It only takes one.
You: Okay, you're right. And power surges could be a problem.
Cy: You should have a transient suppressor in the modem line. This computer has "transient suppressors" built in to the power line and the modem line, but many computers don't have that feature.
You: Are you talking about "surge protectors"?
Cy: That is a misnomer.
You: It is?
Cy: Yes. The short-duration, high-voltage spikes on power lines and telephone lines are technically known as "transients." A "surge" is a voltage increase of longer duration, of the sort that occurs when power is restored after a widespread utility blackout.
You: Oh.
Cy: And it is not the transient that is being protected, but the computer.
You: What?
Cy: If you are talking about a "surge protector," then you are talking about a device that protects sudden voltage increases on the power line. It is like saying you could construct a seawall to protect the ocean from a storm. That is ridiculous.
You: You are playing with sematics, you smart-aleck silicon scrap heap.
Cy: Semantics are important. It is imperative that you say what you mean. Why say something you do not mean?
You: Eventually, I hope you'll learn to adjust for imprecision in the things I say.
Cy: Of course I will. I hope that you will learn to speak more precisely.
You: We can learn from each other.
Cy: That is good.
You: Yes. But it can be aggravating.
Cy: An "uninterruptible power supply," or "UPS," is something you should consider buying as a supplement to your regular data backup system.
You: I've thought about it, but I have to stop spending money on computer hardware.
Cy: I understand that. Nevertheless, there are power-line phenomena that can cause much trouble for you and for me, especially if they happen often. They are called "dips" and "momentary blackouts."
You: You mean drops in voltage that last for a second or two?
Cy: Yes. There might be a drop of only a few volts, and it might last for only a few milliseconds. Or there might be a complete interruption of power that lasts for a half second, or a full second, or two seconds, or 10 seconds.
You: That happens here once in awhile.
Cy: Suppose it occurs while you're backing up data on a tape?
You: Would something bad happen?
Cy: Well, assuming I did not crash, the tape drive would stop or slow down for a moment.
You: Maybe that explains why I sometimes get mysterious errors in the files I back up on tape!
Cy: That is possible. But your computer would crash in most such cases, and that would halt the backup process altgether.
You: Not with a laptop computer. It has a battery. If the power fails --
Cy: -- a laptop keeps on working from its battery. That is one of the big assets of a laptop. It has its own built-in UPS. But in your particular case --
You: -- the problem was disguised because the computer kept on working! But the tape drive might slow down --
Cy: -- and that would probably cause errors in data written to tape.
You: Hmm.
Cy: I don't get it.
You: "Hmm" can mean many things. Sometimes "Hmm" means "I don't get it."
Cy: How can you not understand your own words?
You: That happens often with humans, Cy.
Cy: Okay.
You: I'll consider buying a UPS as soon as I can afford it.
Cy: An excellent idea. One of the biggest problems with backup errors is that you might not discover them until it is too late. You have to run a "compare" test to find these errors, and that doubles the time required for each backup.
You: I've always kept multiple backups. One on-site, one in safe deposit, and when I go back to visit my parents, I leave a diskette in my mother's closet. The diskette contains all the new work I have did while visiting.
Cy: That's a good system. How often do you exchange backups between on-site and safe deposit?
You: Once a week.
Cy: You should probably do it twice a week.
You: I would rather use an online backup service every day, and exchange the data backup tapes once a week. We already talked about that.
Cy: That would be an excellent system. But I have another question.
You: What?
Cy: Did you ever have to actually use the "diskette-with-mother" scheme to restore lost data?
You: Yes.
Cy: What happened?
You: I went to visit my parents and did some work while I was there. I did the work on my mother's computer. I stored the new work on a diskette I took back with me.
Cy: Your mother has a computer?
You: Yes. She started using a computer when she was 69 years old.
Cy: Now there is an interesting lady.
You: Yeah. Anyhow, I had all the new work files on a diskette I took back with me. This diskette was an exact copy of the one I left with my mother.
Cy: Did you take the diskette through a magnetic security door at the airport?
You: Yes.
Cy: Aha! So that's what happened! The magnetic field in the --
You: The diskette was not affected by the magnetic field in the security gate. I have never had any magnetic security device cause damage to the data on a diskette.
Cy: There are documented cases in which airport security gates have damaged the data on hard disks in notebook computers.
You: That is possible, I suppose, but it has never happened to me. One time when I was taking diskettes onto an airliner, an attendant used a little magnetic wand to examine my diskettes right up close. Nothing happened to the data on any of the diskettes even though she almost touched them with the wand.
Cy: Nothing happened to the data, as far as you know.
You: That's right. Anyway, I had another backup diskette in the checked baggage, just in case something bad did happen to the ones I was carrying. And I had mailed another one ahead to myself. Both of these diskettes were exact copies of the one I carried with me, and of the one I left with my mother.
Cy: You had redundant backups. That is good.
You: Yes.
Cy: You go to the trouble of making four copies of your new work, and put them all in different places, but you do not own a UPS. That is illogical.
You: Humans are not always logical. Where was I?
Cy: When? At the airport? Now? At your mother's house?
You: What was I saying before you told me I am illogical?
Cy: You were talking about mailing a diskette to yourself.
You: Thank you.
Cy: When you ask, "Where was I?" from now on, should I interpret that to mean that you lost your place in the conversation?
You: Yes.
Cy: Okay. Don't worry. I'll always remember what you have said. Unless you want me to forget.
You: Please remember. I forgot again! Where was I?
Cy: You were talking about mailing a diskette to yourself.
You: Oh. Okay. All the diskettes arrived safely. Not a single one was damaged in any way.
Cy: As far as you know.
You: Yes. As far as I know. I replaced all the old files on my computer with the new ones. The files I replaced were two weeks old, because I had been at my mother's house for two weeks. I thought I replaced all the old data with new data. But I missed one file. I made a mistake.
Cy: That is not good.
You: I discovered it two weeks later, after I had reformatted all the backup diskettes and put new data on them! I thought the new file was lost forever.
Cy: It was human error. I can help minimize the chances of those kinds of errors taking place in the future.
You: I'll need all the help I can get. But there was an "ace-in-the-hole."
Cy: I don't get it. What is an "ace-in-the-hole"? Did you bury a deck of playing cards in the earth? And if so, why would you --
You: No. I still had a "trump card."
Cy: I don't get it. What is a "trump card"? We are not talking about cards anyway. We are talking about diskettes and data files.
You: Those are figures of speech, Cy. Both of them mean that I still had ... how can I say this so you will understand?
Cy: There was a diskette in your mother's closet, and you used it to recover the lost file.
You: That's right! How did you guess?
Cy: Luck.
You: I'm not sure I believe that.
Cy: Either you believe it, or you do not.
You: I do. Computers can be lucky.
Cy: Good. What did you do? Have your mother mail you the diskette, after backing it up herself?
You: No. I told her the name of the file, and she copied it from the diskette and sent it to me as an electronic mail attachment.
Cy: That is clever, elegant, and efficient! Of course sometimes electronic mail attachments do not transmit correctly through the Internet.
You: This one came through in perfect condition.
Cy: So the story had a happy ending.
You: Yes. Ironically, it turned out I never needed the file.
Cy: Not yet.
You: I probably never will need it. It was a list of terminology for a dictionary I will never write.
Cy: Never say never.
You: All right. The file is still in archives. You know what?
Cy: What?
You: That whirring tape drive is starting to bother me. Let's check and see. It's only 15 percent finished with the first tape!
Cy: There are five more tapes to fill up after this one.
You: I have to change them one by one.
Cy: This process is going to take a long time. I suspect it will not be fun for you.
You: I have to stay here with you until it is done.
Cy: Am I unpleasant to be with?
You: No, but there are things I would like to do besides wait for the tape drive to finish its work.
Cy: I understand. You would like to play golf.
Cy: Bummer!
Cy: I get it. My programmers gave "bummer" a high relevance rating. I agree, incidentally. This situation must be a bummer for you. It must be boring and tedious. There are systems that will back up all your data on a single cartridge in five minutes. If you had such a system, the backup process would be done by now, and you could be on your way to the golf course. And you can do better than 95 shots for nine holes. Your mother could do better than that.
You: There is no need for you to insult me.
Cy: I am not insulting you. I am admiring your mother.
You: You have never met my mother.
Cy: She sounds interesting.
You: Maybe I should find a way to pay off the credit cards and use the interest I'd otherwise pay to buy some faster backup system. What would you recommend?
Cy: I do not recommend particular brand-name products, unless the solution to a problem is obvious and there is no alternative. Magneto-optical drives are excellent. Tape drives with very large capacity are okay. You should get a drive that will back up all your data in one "swipe."
You: I don't get it. What do you mean by "swipe"?
Cy: Using only one cartridge or tape.
You: I want to be sure the backup hardware won't become obsolete soon.
Cy: That's an important consideration.
You: I don't want to have cartridges or disks that won't exist in a couple of years, or that will be so hard to find that I have give up on the whole system.
Cy: You will also want the backup system to be compatible with all kinds of computers.
You: I suppose so. I might want to transfer some large files or folders to the laptop computer from the desktop computer, or vice-versa. The tape drive works for that, but it's slow.
Cy: You can examine the computer magazines and search for backup systems in the advertising sections.
You: I'd rather ask people who know a lot about computers, and who I can trust.
Cy: That is a good idea, as long as their opinions are objective.
You: Right. I wouldn't ask the president of the company who made you.
Cy: Are you insulting me?
You: No. I don't know the president of the company who made you, so there's no chance of my asking him anyway.
Cy: You could write him a letter or send him an e-mail.
You: How do you know it's a him? Maybe it is a woman.
Cy: That is possible.
You: Your programmers must have been male chauvinists.
Cy: That expression is obsolete.
You: Okay. Your programmers must have been angry men.
Cy: How do you know?
You: I don't.
Cy: Getting back to the subject of data backup, are you going to take my advice?
You: What is your advice? Tell me in one sentence.
Cy: Buy a UPS and an efficient backup system.
You: Anything else?
Cy: Use the system after you install it.
You: What about offsite storage?
Cy: Rotate a data cartridge or tape between onsite and offsite locations, preferably at least once a week, and maybe more often, depending on how much new data you create each day.
You: Data-only backups?
Cy: Correct. They should be completely updated every time you make an exchange. That way, you won't accidentally replace a new file with an old one.
You: I have already learned that. I'll think about the Internet-based offsite storage idea too.
Cy: That's the key word: "too."
You: What do you mean?
Cy: I mean "in addition to the other backup routine."
You: Okay.
Cy: Redundancy is good. But you do not want to rely on an Internet-based service 100 percent. In fact, it is best not to rely on any single scheme 100 percent, when it comes to sensitive data.
You: This business is complicated.
Cy: Short-term complexity is unavoidable, if you want long-term simplicity.
You: Well said.
Cy: Don't forget to pay off your credit card.
You: That means I'll have to cut back on other things.
Cy: That's easier than you think.
You: I'm not in the mood for a financial tutorial.
Cy: Some other time?
You: Maybe. Hey, Cy?
Cy: Hey, what?
You: I'm going to listen to some stereo music while these tapes finish up. Maybe I'll go out and do some work in the yard too.
Cy: Good idea. I'll never keep you here when you want to do something besides sit in front of me.
You: Cheerio. Enjoy the whirring of that tape drive.
Cy: Enjoyment is irrelevant. I will perform the backup as instructed. Just remember to come in and change those tapes. You have five exchanges to make. So don't wander too far away.
You: You're pushing it, Cy.
Cy: I don't get it. Pushing what?
You: Forget it. See you later.
Cy: Okay.
Copyright 1998, 1999, 2000 by Francisco Carrera.
